What' is life!?

I still contemplating about life and tryin to comprehence it to the fullest but the more I try to understand the more strange derange it became intensify suprise by the crazy state of mind I've recieved, it's pretty sad to say but atleast I' knew where I'm at. Most of the time I'm trying to express myself through lyrics that I've jotted down cursin n busting my rhyme, calming myself to the point of a state of being forgotten. It's appear to me that life ain't seem like what we've thought, and most of us are trying to bring uncertains things into life without acknowledge its consequence. changing one thing can affect the other, though it strange by choosing not to be change can also gain another. so what we do? oh man I am complete stall can no longer recall how I get this far.This is my old poem written 4 years agoTearing my soul apart I ain’t proud out of controlAssumption becoming reality, I see something confronting meAfraid to fold estimate eliminate you goWho woulda know arrogate you fake took what it take now make me seeImpersonate you lie for god-sake wanna debate me you dieInvade my cake contaminate that fate that I’m goinDelegate my soul initiated unfold story applyThem con' I bond consequence act on uponDetermine my cord infatuated by corpsI would have drop them pop opposite phenomenonIllusion effect bases the mist kiss my fist?This? That? Exaggerate my code devote you lieBreaking run! Best to die! Disaster comes! Time to cryReveal yourself hence expose your soulCoordinated back up the wraith eliminate the deadDisguise fact attack truth for legitimate?Choose to break indoctrinated?Inaccurate but dumb, so descending loseCorrupt your soul for the devilDepress no hope to absorbs them evilNo sun to shine and compel the lightLosing yourself death await you diedNo moral no dignity unimaginableCan’t breath no live undefinableConscience vanish now I'm lose it all

Random Shit

I'm not really the type who likes to jot down regarding any information about my life and the surround itself, though I'm kinda bored so why the hell not writtin some shit down before off to bed cuz tomorrow is another aching day for me. Tomorrow July the 28th I'll be leaving Siem Reap from Jong Kouv Sue bus station at 7.30 AM for an angonize 6 hrs ride to Phnom Penh. I remember afew years back travelin is one of my favorite obsession, doesn't matter who drive but I just like the sensation of moving from one place to the next and the feeling is unbelieveable, there was this one time that I have to drive my Grandpa to Kompong Cham (it's was a 5 hrs drive) after I dropped him, I drive back to Siem Reap that was 10 hrs long straight most people cannot stand but for me?!? I just love it cuz I get to view all this scene the commotions, people, houses, roads cloud and shit as I drive pass them ya know!! but well that's before.Today I did pretty much nothin significant except downloading musics, listening to my old tracks, try to write some more lyrics but weren't in a good moods so two lines was pretty much it, measuring up for our new management office plan which is being constructed and to tell the truth I have no freakin clue yet. I don't know is this so call a journal but fuck that it's 11:10 PM I gotta get some sleep.

Out of Control

I'm testing my new Thunder KST880 PMX-4D Mixer with EV-Co11 mic... It seem the quality of recording is quite better than my 10 Dollars computer mic. The sound doesn't seem what I have expected though, perhap the mixer is not that good, who know....Anyway here my new trackwww.soundclick.com/bands/9/tarashamusic.htm[Verse 1]Reconizing for the fact - virtualized fatalityDecease release finds its peace places in cemeteryGrief I fought sorrow died by the hand of GodWhat I want? Will be done but it won't restartI torture me for the sake of my familyYou can't reach or feel me I’m like steel ya'll never seeAnyone dare confront result straining agonySeeing through my devil eyes do you hear my cry?I'll pray for the day when they - ready to bury meUnderneath i see corpses dispose no mercyThey'll never understand comprehend where i beenI can't be reach or touch - feeling itLike a dream, i can't stare the beam it supremeThe intense was meant to burn me aliveThe wraith of Spirit cannot restrain my lifeI meant to die but I’m still standing strong with my eyesOpen - they won't renounce till i collapse - trapping me?Except they mislead i will not - disappearrrrrrrrrIf I ever gone you wouldn't have any ideaDeath is a way use to express my wayRail against like i never been? They truly mistakenThey'll be shaking drop off their fakingIncite my conscience annihilate yourselfI'm Freddy in your dream bring you to HellChaos merging conflicting, deputing, offendingDevotion, commotion, promotion, abortionSeem like yesterday we use to play still allyNow sudden change you wanna crush my brainAssassinate me in the name of the game?You **** up the game just for fame - damnCome into my sight just to hear my speechReminiscing all the **** you eat now you wanna spit on me?Couldn't be any wise - trying to mess around on meWhat you won't believe, I still don't give a damnPlay your fame, I’m the same **** your gameIt contain - you strive to conquer but you failllI recall all the action you sail out of trailllllllYou ain't never gonna ride me - unfor-tunatetlyYou nothin but a scumbag readyTo tag-along supplementary by gone on and onContemplating about my actionTotally - forgotten how, why, where I been?End pretending - stop imagine - you suspendingAlter your demand - cuz i am in command[Talk]Look like we have some misunderstanding around hereNeed to recorrect the issue before it getting out of controlBetter recognize and don't try to **** itBefore it fade away best achieve believe itCuz you'll never understand the plan of a crazy manWhen he ready to do anything that he willing to die forCompletely **** up in the brain still remain unchangedConstantly all'ya tryin to do is push me away -But the harder your try to push the backfire ya'll faceIts not a test don't try to take a rest and take a guessMy folks won't talk and smog about itAbsolutely you're can tolerate to tackle me in one condition onlyDon't **** with my family - believe me you won't see the lightEven I have to die kamazie my life anytime day and nightName it ima claim your ****ing life__________________

Saigon

This is my second time to Saigon (Ho chi min) and i'm still loving it. Vietnam is under heavily development Building, Hotel, Road are being constructed everyday, everything seem so fine. We're hardly spot any beggar at all it appear Vietnamese people living standard is way much higher than Cambodian.We stayed 2 day/night in 3 Stars Continetal Hotel right in the centre of Saigon where all the crowd are. We went to many places mostly Resturant just to eat. One Resturant that we went to called something "Kom..." which meant rice, they provided a stylist rice served where one waiter throw rice (cooked in these special pot) and the other to catch it, It's entertain at the same time enjoyed their tasty dish.We had a oil-massage and the girls was H.O.T if compare to our K-one girls, i was holding my breath and try to calm down, they offering me the sex upon on extra tips... DamnnnnnnI'll be back in Saigon in another 3 months hopefully...

New track (WHY)

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/tarashamusic.htmOk i just finish another track, it sound to me i've still need alot of improvement...But hey this is only the beginning it hasn't actually started...Why ?Why ?Why, why - I have to know all the shit I –Why - I have to see what I don’t and won’t try?Why - am I considered bad when you are?Why - they try to shut me down when I’m fall?Why - they seek my thought when they - in need?Why - initiate to gain your advantage?Why - you act like you know me but you don’t?Why - we never friend try to getting my attention?Why - force me to decide - the way I live?Why - mislead me to drop into your trick?And why I have to – believing in your shit?Only conceive fault told to leave, what do I get?Why - am I perceived on both side of view?Why - I have to keep my anger tangle on my shoe?Why - you in my life my intense despise you?Try forgettin’ compromise – to separate from you?Why ?Why ?Why, why - you are the one that should be trust?Why - there is no one here that could entrust?Why - I have to ball and falling on my own?Why - none to share why tear on the pillow?Why - I have to show my weakness to test my instinct?Why - I couldn’t bare to fight and hear your yelling?Why - sibling’s brawl influence them to killing?Why - parent’s conflict affect children thoughts?Why - simplify despise my emotional?Why - family bleed even they try to seal it?Why – we need to kill each other for some dollar bill?And why – can’t we stop to think and start to chill?Why – Still I don’t understand what is life?Why - they pretend to like me - but they lie? Why – can’t nobody avoid reality?Why – can’t we live and die at the same time - in harmony? Why ?Tell me why ?Why ?Tell me why ?

Lost (Full Version)

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/tarashamusic.htmOk i just finished the second verseIt should be ok i guess, tell me what ya'll think?I need to get a better mic. Yo im kinda lost over hereCan anybody tell me the way?It getting dark nowI really needed to move…Since the day I was born, I been torning aroundNobody care for ****, always getting me downBut who would’ve thought, that I been caught and foughtGet shot at, the shadow stalking me nowI’m not surprised, cry and pray, what can I sayEventually they will see, who I’m supposed to beI feel the urge surge to accept the taskThat allure suffering and never to askYou ain’t here with me anymore, any longer I’ma prove it me, Make me stronger no longer afraid of theeI’ma fight this ice sacrifice my life for this curse it worstBurst myself what the hell I do give me clue I’m losing my mind I can’t move, can’t see mentally blindSomebody show me the path and tell me what to doCoz in my heart, I’m not yet ready to moveSome body? Any body?Does it make you happy if I cry today?Does it even matter if I die one day?Perhaps I try to hard - forgot I have much life to love-Picturing myself when I was youngThough it yet better to understand what’s lifeDoin’ good or bad who’s to say wrong or right?I’m not trying to preach - man don’t you understand?Life ain’t fair-Livein’ my misery for the family to hellPhysically - it doesn’t hurt as muchMentally to me- there ain’t word describe itMy only thought that got me f**k-up!!! completeGive the best you got - still ain’t worse trying for sh*tContagious my life, again That the same to my brain - andI’m out of the light for nowI can’t stand the fight - now I can bear no more - simply feeling the pain Sacrifice to obtain, only pain that remain - and

Control - Poem

I wrote this poem afew day before Khmer New Year. It cool Have you ever fought caught up thought of being control? Your body and soul you own, like you never hold? Dominate my life post limitate as some regulation Sure enough there's none agreement upon predomination Only villain i see, corrupted my mind blind them whole surrounding What i mean you might not understand the pain i am facing Reminise the time, embracin my rhyme arrogate the life i've proceed Allowance none to pass by a sided from, i'm too weak To stop and clog them whole sh!t man understand, i'm wasted Mistaken good wills apply! when done something good? It never could! It would appropriate expire when you tryin to hard Nevertheless I've been protest since day i started But damn this case, under no circumstances will never restart Who am i to say! obedience them hoe so they can go my way? That ain't so fix, reluctance my pride how will i replay? May i repeat all the same sh!t i say, over and over just to get fvck by day! I'm out of control definitely running my show Rectifyin my own goal initiate any call that fall Regulate my strength so i can shank finale them all

New Year Party

Last night was a happy fun time for everyone/family, we helding a Khmer New Year Party (Due to hotel management issue we'd change the date to 17th) we had alot of fun from celebrating traditional game to singing karaoke, dancing, eating, drinking, betting you name it.There're about 70 people some are from K-one (karaoke club) and mostly from our hotel, i was doing photo/video shooting, my sis was organizing gaming party and karaoke. My brother was hosting the party which including Khmer New Year/Staff Award and the party itself. I had manage to do some 3 songs and duet with my sis and bro but hey that not it everyone are dancing till they drop.Not much shit to yak cuz i got photo to print out

Hungry

Yesterday is certainly a bullshit day, the hotel rooms are fully occupy and i have to share room with my mum well it still ok though, because we do not have to share the same bed, hah imagine if we do. Anyway i got up but not quite early this morning after fullying on at K One (Our Karaoke Club) with my brother in-law until 3 am. I had manage to get up around 11 am, had a shower (brother's room) and dress up and get ready for breakfast i was just one step closer to the resturant and there he was Chantha (AirCon technician) carrying this Motor Fan request urgently need repair. So there goes my breakfast.It was lunch time i was about to get a shower and eat but suddendly my memory had zap me i almost forgot to pick up VCD Karaoke Player for K One which i had drop yesterday to get fix up, so i zoom off with my mum CRV to Phsa Ghe. When i got back it was around 2pm so by this time i had manage to get my room back, got into the room without thinkin twice and fully sleep on (fuck i need to eat).

A new poem

Wow this close to 6 months since my last journal. That's because i am back in Cambodia no time to Journal around although i am not really good writer i'm more a of a spectator but don't get me wrong that i cannot write, oh talkin about writting i had recently wrote a poem it sound kinda corny and it sure of posse meaning too. Hah here it isYakin hoe you blow di*k, biatch ain't sh*t my styleSleep walk and eat forgotten sleek you weak sit da fu*k nowTimez to dies suprise you fam attack your brain blame yo mumBecomin you must be sad, decollate yo dad till he's diedNah wait, not to dash or rash blast yo fake hoe manipulated my showIt over take whole-negotiate my note justify them code, you're a dead foulProvide my seed with multiply speed you won't fu*king breath, pestifideTold you once ain't hear them twice, prepare to fight your last resignFatality yo the victim, seem collapse after my next spec perplexRelax you won't cause no harm-ima come with C4 and blow yo whole motherfu*kin blockzCausin aftershocked like Tsunami even yo family cannot damn escape itI'll make yo disppear as winterkill, pass away pay me the billYo ain't rawz or realz, just another fake nibz ready to su*k di*ks for pillzTry revoke cause to muck me? look at yourself and describe to meA fagg0t with a tag on the neck investigate for a puszy free!To me yo nothin but a scumbag ready to tag along as my auxiliaryB yo ain't thug or gangsta stop pretend, cuz yo ain't oneWhile my dogz bustin them chrome why the fu*k you runCuz you're a puszy bitc* stop being a di*kDon't let me see you, or i'll burn down your whole fu*kin cliqueWell it is sound kinda mugger poem but hey that how i am feelin right now, so stufff what you think lol.

mail...

last night i received an email from my little sister, she's only 12 but with a mature self (Sona is in America) and full of life (the opposite of me) her letter detailed alot of activity she been involved with her friends, uncle aunty, her sports including herself. as a brother i alway stand for her side even she can be fractious from time to time, very annoying. though i long to see her hopefully next year when i got back home, just as if i could hear her voice now (not that i cant call, but my god damn lazy ass won't).maybe i just stop writing and start to make a call, now...

surpise?

today i woke up feeling blue, without questioning myself rather as usual switch on my computer and goes to my favourite website diabloworld, i haven't been playing diablo 2 for quite sometime (2 months) maybe i want to quit? i doubt it. Anyway its was approximately 3:20 pm my brother call from oversea confirming that my sister-inlaw will be arrive in Australia next Tuesday morning, (surprise?) i'd ask him whether i go pick her up he reply its optional for his parents-inlaw be responsible. Much as far as i recall from my latest memory (two years ago) of having a surprise feeling was back in my hometown, its was a huge party we held (my brother organized) accommodate more than 200 people, its wasn't all for me the fact its was a new year party. nevertheless i was set as a raffle deputy (i'd never expected that) and my job was to call out the name of the winner and reward the prize (also congratuate them and im not the kind). my palm and back sweaty (although its was a cold night) my voice dash trembling each time i speak out though i haven't ruine any of my line until the very last address which i announced out the first winner name incorrectly (what a shame!!!)anyhow its sure sure along time, still those memory still foam me around.regardless you back and hope to see you soon Nary